Ok so picture this: a world where every human actually really truly unconditionally loved themselves.
Crazy concept, but I believe it’s possible.
I’ve been chatting with a few friends lately and meeting some new baby GEMS (wtf is GEMS? Click here.) and I’ve been noticing a trend. Regardless of where we come from, how old we are, or whatever the case may be, we are constantly battling the feeling of not being good enough.
Not strong enough to leave a crappy relationship.
Not established enough to ask for a raise at work.
Not generous enough toward our friends or family.
Not good enough to realize what we truly deserve.
We all know the girl who is frustrated with her boyfriend who acts more like a child than a significant other. Does she deserve that? Or does she deserve to have someone who supports her mentally, emotionally, and physically? The latter, right? But she’ll stick around because it’s a comfortable routine and she’s afraid to be on her own.
Since when should we aim to just be comfortable? Why are we okay with settling for mediocrity in our relationships, careers, education, etc. NAH GURL, over here, we strive for excellence. There is always so much more within you than you might believe. You have to understand that you are fully capable of excellence. The tricky part is understanding that it takes consistent growth and improvement to get there. It doesn’t happen overnight and you won’t be perfect tomorrow (or ever). BUT. THERE. IS. MORE. WITHIN. YOU. More self love, more confidence, I’ll go on for days. You should want the best for yourself, you deserve it!
Before I get too far into this, I want it to be clear that there is a difference between knowing what you deserve and being entitled. For example, knowing what you deserve is an agreement with yourself to be open to what others can provide to you, but it’s also an agreement to be at ease when you don’t get what you want out of someone/something. It’s an awareness that you are strong enough to be perfectly okay with who you are, especially when your efforts aren’t reciprocated by another person or opportunity. Meanwhile, being entitled comes off as a one-way street. I think Catherine Hummel said it best in her blog post. Entitlement happens when we demand that a person or situation gives us what we want “regardless of whether or not this person is in a place to give or wants to do so.” Let me paint it out:
“They didn’t offer me the job, but I made it clear that I was the most prepared for the role out of all the candidates!”
It’s possible they were looking for someone with different skills.
“I haven’t heard from him in forever. It’s ridiculous he isn’t texting me.”
Maybe he just isn’t interested or is putting his priorities elsewhere right now.
“Why is this happening to ME?”
Because things like this happen to us all.
Sound familiar? Kind of a one-way ticket to the blame game. I’m guilty of it and I’m working on it.
I’m a firm believer that everyone deserves to be loved and respected. The key here is that what goes on around us is often inevitable. Annoying, hurtful, and disappointing things happen to us all the time. While we can’t control what other people do, we CAN control the love and care that we give to ourselves to build us up for those tough moments in our lives.
I know, some of this might feel kinda harsh. Maybe you see yourself or someone you know in some of these scenarios. Perf, that’s what this is for. If the shoe fits, use this to call yourself out on your own BS so we can learn and grow and be better together with a little tough love. Consider this a guide to being a more bad ass, confident, self-lovin’ human. We’re all in this together. *cue High School Musical* Let’s jump right into it…
First, check your ego. It’s totally possible to get rejected or cheated on. It’s possible to not get recognized for the work you do. It’s possible to fail. Hate to break it to ya, but yes, we all have flaws and none of us are immune to all the crappy things this world dishes out sometimes. We may not deserve it, but we can learn to control how we react and respond to these sh*tty moments. Coolest part of life is that every day is a new opportunity to work on yourself. Take advantage of that.
Stop comparing yourself to others. Stop measuring your worth in social media likes. Stop comparing your career path to someone else’s. Stop wishing for a life that isn’t yours. Stop that! Each journey is different and yours is your own to navigate. Know that YOU have the power to make moves toward the life you want to live. Quit yer bitchin’ and start making money moves, boss.
Don’t waste your time and energy. Don’t invest in people who don’t give a flying f*** about you. Don’t spend time doing things that aren’t helping you grow. Friendships, relationships, jobs, the list goes on. This will quite literally suck the life out of you. The people and experiences you surround yourself with are a reflection of who you are, so choose carefully and leave people or things behind if you need to.
Relying on outside sources for validation will only make you disappointed. If you’re depending on others to entertain you and make you happy, you’re setting yourself up for failure. One of my pet peeves is when people say, “you complete me” to a significant other. UGHH G’BYE. When we expect others to fill our gaps, we can never truly feel whole on our own. I think the better phrase is, “you complement me.” Get this: s’mores are fantastic. Now take it apart so it’s just a graham cracker, a marshmallow, and a piece of chocolate. Sure, they complement one another, but each of these elements are still great and delicious on their own, too, right? Weird analogy, but ya feel me. I shouldn’t write while I’m hungry.
Inhale the good, exhale more good. I know, I know, the saying is “inhale love, exhale hate,” but my perspective is a little wonky on this one. I get it, take in good energy to get rid of bad energy. Makes sense! I’m looking at it like a boomerang, though. If you take in positive energy, I hope you then expel positivity toward the rest of the world, too. What goes around comes around, and the vibes that you put out will come right back. This means that if you don’t love and value yourself, it’s pretty difficult for others to treat you that way in return. Show yourself how beautiful and wonderful you are so others can see that in you, too.
Ignoring your problems won’t solve any of them. Self awareness is HARD. I’m working on this part of myself right now and it is a STRUGGLLLLLE. I love a good face mask and retail therapy as much as the next person, but let’s be real, it’s easy to use “self care” as a way to ignore the real issues we’re dealing with. While it’s ABSOLUTELY important to pamper and care for yourself, it’s even better to take action to help yourself. Recognize areas where you can improve, assess how you’re dealing with the challenges in your life right now, and seek help if you need it. Therapy is cool, btw.
LOVE YA DAMN SELF. Look intrinsically and reflect on what you’re proud of. Remember the things you’ve accomplished in the past and the challenges you’ve overcome. Think about the type of person you are toward those you love. Chances are, you’re a stronger, better person than you believe you are right now. It’s time to start seeing that in the reflection of your mirror.
Last but certainly not least…YOUR WORTH IS NEVER DETERMINED BY ANYONE ELSE. YOU are the ONLY person who can define your value. Be kind to yourself and know your worth, sister.
*hops off of girl power soap box*