Suuuummer has come and paaaassed… Green Day was right.
Life moves so quickly.
I am such a menopausal middle-aged woman for saying that.
HEY I love being sappy and reflecting on EVERYTHING. Events, memories, friendships, relationships, you name it. I love remembering the moments and thinking about all the shhhtuff that took place since the last glittering countdown.
As I was working out some New Year’s Eve plans, I felt haunted by the pressure to have the BeSt NiGhT eVeR, spend way too much on food and drinks, and wear itchy sequins that I’ll never tolerate any other day of the year. Why is this STILL a thing? Don’t get me wrong, I had a lot of fun this New Year’s Eve, but next year, I might just throw on my fuzzy socks, order pizza, drink cheap wine, and watch Real Housewives to ring in the new year the best way I know how to. That’s really all I can afford anyway. Who’s with me?
Aside from New Year’s Eve expectations, I think this time of year also brings the expectation to have an even better year than the last. You may have had a really tough year, or things didn’t work out the way you planned. I think many people feel disappointed or let down if they’re not at the place they were hoping to be by this time. I see how a calendar flip can be refreshing, but if we have the ability to change something ANY day of the year, why wait until December 31st to decide on it? I’ve been guilty of this for many Decembers, but who’s fault is that? Your own, babe. Sorry ’bout it.
My year has been a big fat continuation of young adulthood transitions, to say the least. I think back to December 2018 and CRINGE. Not because I’ve changed a whole lot, per se, but because I cared SO much about where I was and what I was doing. I was fresh out of college and wanted SO BADLY to figure it all out. I wanted to do well in my new career, carefully craft my dating apps (don’t laugh, you’re hungover and swiping through Bumble as we speak, aren’t you…), get outside of my comfort zone, have a lot of friends, fit into my new little city… It was exhausting.
Looking back, a lot has changed, but a lot has also stayed the same. I’m okay with that. My anxiety LIVES for consistency.
I’ve been fortunate to reconnect with old friends and become closer with new ones, all of whom I feel so blessed to know. I’m much less concerned about the number of friends I have and I’ve become more thoughtful about the quality of my friendships.
I still want to do a great job at work, and that was validated with a promotion this past year (*me, high fiving myself*).
I am still working on discovering my new little city and I think I’m getting there. It feels like home here and I kinda love most every part of it.
I recently jumped out of my comfort zone and hopped on a plane by myself for the first time this past fall. I’m glad I did it and I’m proud of myself. Even just for a short trip.
It’s been a year.
What’s different? Dating apps. GOODBYE AND GOOD RIDDANCE. I met the most wonderful man last December. Not bragging, but kind of. He’s absolutely perfect in his own weird way. Hi, Austin, I see you reading this. I’m grateful every day to have such a loving, understanding, fun, driven human by my side. Also super grateful for all the other wonderful experiences, lessons, and people that have come along with knowing you. You’re a real one.
What else? I’ve started separating myself from things that no longer serve me. This might sound selfish, but it’s essential. Surrounding yourself with toxicity is just that – toxic. It doesn’t even have to be something that is entirely harmful; think of it as something that doesn’t bring you much joy anymore (Marie Kondo, I hope you’re proud). Don’t shorten your life span over stuff that stresses you the EFF out.
Get rid of things, people, and places that are sucking the spark out of you and don’t feel bad about it. Say goodbye to a dead end job or a deadbeat relationship, pack your bags and move out of your hometown, quit that dumb juuling trend…whatever floats your happy little boat. *Some* bull$h!t can be tolerated, but life’s too short to put up with too much of it.
On that note, one thing I want to do more of this year is be less of a “yeah, I guess I’ll do it” person and more of a “no, thank you kindly” person (within reason, of course). In other words, I want to do more of what will make me energized and fulfilled, and less of what will only drain my cup in the end. However, I will say it’s a weird, subtle art trying to figure out your limitations, while also balancing the necessity to just bite the bullet sometimes and JUST DO IT (*insert Shia LaBeouf here*).
Maybe that paragraph didn’t make any sense… Hell, I’m 23, I don’t know anything.
On the flip side, I also want to discover a plethora of new things to enjoy. More places, more events and experiences, more hobbies and more fun people to do them with. I want to read more, write more, dance more, travel more, save more money for the big things, hop outside of my comfort zone more and JUST DO IT (*there’s Shia LaBeouf again*). I’m holding myself to it. Hey, this month, I’ll get the keys to my very own place by myself for the first time EVER, so we’re well on our way to more independence, challenges, and adventures of Jess.
SO, here’s to you, friends. Thanks for reading and following along. I hope you all had a beautiful 2019 filled with moments that helped you grow and become an even better version of you. Take care of yourself and make every day count this year and always.